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Debra's Story Submitted with Yoni Art Quilt:

Back in 2007 there was a "yoni" quilt challenge that I decided to enter through the Quiltart listserve. The resulting piece (9.5" x 11") is abstractly realistic such that you know pretty readily what it is.

There are not very many venues that looking to display yonis. Sad, but true,......so the poor thing has been languishing ever since. No yoni should languish. She needs to get out into the world and see things,....be with other people.

Read the story Glenda submitted with Ms. Thang, a.k.a. Lizard Face:

Jessamyn likes to submit her stories in the form of comic book pages.

Here's one that she swears is true.

Etienne is a bit of a rebel on the outside but inside, he is just as warm and fuzzy as the rest of us.

Etienne has a reputation for being explosive but that is only when he doesn't get his own way. He is approximately 2 feet long from head to toe.

There are sparse hairs on the head and under the arms. This is an important detail. He is proud of his hair growth.

So, how he came to be...

Kevin's Story about Paint By Number Ship Painting: 

“Paint by number?”  by Kevin McClintic – February 2011

This is my second trade with Rosalie at bARTer Sauce.  This time, I traded a beautiful, old oil painting depicting a large sailing ship battling huge waves during a storm.

Creepier than skeletons, this lot of 5 Arian style doll heads have blue eyes, blonde hair, long wire "spinal columns" coming out of the necks, and a total of 9 hands.

I received these from a friend as a birthday present. He thought that I should use them to create artistic clothing. The thing is, I don't make artistic clothing. I make creative costumes, functional hats and unnecessary lingerie, but no wearable art that uses blue-eyed doll heads.

Rebekah's Story That Came With the Ceramic Doll Sculpture

This may not be for anyone squeamish or any man at all. In 1997, I got to observe a really amazing event. The vasectomy of my now ex-husband. The doctor was all too willing to let me watch. H, as he shall be known, was invited to lay on the exam table, his junk exposed and properly shaved. The doctor chuckled as he taped his member to his lower (hair covered, I might add) abdomen. He was then given a shot of anesthetic.

Cory's Story that came with Wedding Day Disaster Barbie

For my story, I chose to share an embarrassing one. I took my son to the grocery store one day when he was around 2 or 3. He was at that stage where he still kind of wobbled along really slowly when he walked but he was grouchy and defiant and sometimes it was easier to be patient than try to carry him and suffer the inevitable tantrum.

In lieu of a story, Nik sent this poem about the bARTer Sauce show at Sideshow studios in California

Twas the day of the 'Sauce
and everyone was invited
people came from miles around
all were excited
Some discovered the 'Sauce
for the very first time
Others had always been there
and sometimes can rhyme
There was talk of toast,
donkeys, miniature frogs, and tobacco
smurf porn, fisting cooking shows

Dominique said he would send his story in three separate emails...so far I have received two installments:

Jessamyn's story that came with Decoupage Tape Box:

The decoupaged cassette tape carrier has a sticker from the band A Gun That Shoots Knives. I like this band because of how they have songs about dinosaurs and chocolate donuts. One time I went to a show where they had turned the theater into a prehistoric jungle with sweet palm trees and volcanoes.

Read Travis' Story That Came With 'Sunset Window'

The day after yesterday I turned the corner in my car and faced with a 20% downhill grade that ended with a T intersection and I5 30ft below the barrier I wondered if I'd be projected through the window or had enough momentum to break past the barrier in a 6000 lb SUV Swan-dive.

Then I said to myself outloud like Butch or Sundance,  "let's do it."

I haven't laughed that long in a while. Moral: Never lose your sense of humor.

Rachel's Story About Headless Gabriel

Since Nik is so "interested" in what I purchase and since he owed me another story, I've asked him to put together an imaginary shopping list for me.

What does that mean? I'm not really sure -- let's leave that up to Nik to interpret. 

My imaginary shopping list for Rosalie:
6 pack of Unicorn blood
Bottled Gypsy tears
Kraken E-Z Squeezin' Cheese
Plastic Hammer
Ugly Baby Finger Puppets (Assorted)
Teleporter
Interocitor
Robot shavings (Assorted)
Giant Pterodactyl egg (Organic)

Nik's Story that came with Transvestite Robot:

A story. An awesome one.

I'm going to solve Earth's biggest riddle! I figured out the meaning of life, I started looking at the universe as a whole and realized that the human race over complicates everything. Kind of like if you're waiting for someone, you don't know where they are, you start inventing scenarios. That's where we get religion. So scratch that.

This is a vintage book by Thor Heyerdahl, the writer of Kon-Tiki that popularized tiki culture in the 60's.

Here he goes to Easter Island and does stuff. A lot of stuff. I didn't read it. It has a bunch of cool pictures in it though. 62 of them! And it's big! Like it'll stand out on your book shelf and if you're into tiki culture - your friends will be impressed with this find. Maybe you can read it too. I'm sure it's a pretty good book. You can keep it near the toilet and imagine you're on an island full of iguanas that aren't afraid of people. Islands are great.

Jessica's Story about "Slowsalie"

Rosalie is very disappointed in me. I broke her heart and now I must pay my penance. In exchange for her "moving on" from this disappointment, I must fulfill three promises. First, I had to write her a letter and mail it. I'm working on the lovely package now (note, I use the word package as a double entendre). Second, I have to have quarterly crafting meetings with her. Third, I have to complete a baRTer Sauce trade.

Nik's Story that came with Lost Cock:

When I was in summer camp I was pee shy. Our camp guy counselor whatever asked all of us before a long hike "If you have to go - go now!". I, being shy, tried to hold it, I'd just pee at midnight when everyone was a sleep, that was my plan.