Kim Allen, the Biscuit Bitch, was kind enough to answer my fundraising call by purchasing a year-long ad on the bARTer Sauce website. I was (and still am) trying to raise $100 so that a student can mail me a large painting of an erect penis. So far we have raised $40. If you would like to help the cause, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Now, let's learn a little more about Kim, the Biscuit Bitch:
Name: Kim Allen
Natural Hair: Salt & Pepper in the back, Salt in the front.
# of Children: 2
Years in Seattle: 3
Q: What is Biscuit Bitch?
A: Biscuit Bitch is homemade southern-style Biscuits and Gravy topped with fixin’s that’ll make you slap your mama with that rattlesnake hiding there behind that rock.
Q: When can you partake in the Bitch festivities?
A: Late Night Breakfast is served Friday and Saturday nights, 10pm to 2:30am. And we now have Bitch Brunch Saturday and Sunday 10am to 2pm.
Q: How come your biscuits are so effing good?
A: I like to think it’s because I make each one by hand with the lovingkindness of Thich Nhat Hanh while listening to Motown Radio on Pandora. It could also be because most people are drunk when they’re eating them.
Q: You are located in my favorite coffee shop: Caffe Lieto (owned by the lovely and exiting, Rena!). How did you and Rena know each other?
A: Rena makes the BEST Americano in Seattle and I was a regular customer. Also, I live in the building.
Q: What is your best selling item?
A: It’s a tie between the Straight-Up Bitch with Sausage Gravy and the Cheesy Pork-n-Bitch.
Q: What's the weirdest job you've ever had?
A: My mom had an at-home job rolling finger condoms on a ceramic “roller” that was held between the legs. She earned $3.75/case. She let me help roll to earn extra cash during the summer. This was in the 80’s and we’d sit there watching the Luke and Laura saga on General Hospital while rolling those little suckers. If you got a good rhythm going you could roll a whole box in an hour. Sometimes they would pop off and go flying around the room. Our sofa hid child-sized rubber surprises for years. One day the pastor found one while visiting. No joke.
Q: Have you ever cooked something horrific?
A: The second or third time I cooked dinner for my boyfriend I made chili. I thought it would taste good to add some beer while it simmered so I grabbed one out of his fridge. It was some kind of hoppy microbrew that I was unfamiliar with, being a Florida girl, and it turned the chili into a disgusting bitter concoction that no amount of cheese or sour cream could resurrect.
Q: If someone wanted a t-shirt that says, "Biscuit Bitch" on it - where could they get one?
A: Stop by Caffe Lieto to pick one up. You can also contact em through my website: biscuitbitch.com and we can work something out by mail. I'm easy if not technologically savvy.