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Lauren Trades Me 25 Door Plates for Boobs Over My Hammy

Lauren with her bARTer Sauce trade: Boobs Over My Hammy

Lauren's Answers to my Annoying Interview Questions:

Dear Rosalie,

I posted a photo of the door plate along with my face in the picture. I hope you enjoyed it, I am thee most photogenic person I know.

As for the interview questions:

1. My foot is a size 8 or 9, it always depends on the shoe. The actual length of my foot is 25 cm in length and no, I will not give you the measurement in inches because I am Canadian and I'm sure you can figure it out. (1 in=2.5 cm)

Nik Trades Me Aku Aku Book and Mondo Jubjub for Proud Green Boobs and Full Metal Bra

Nik in a straight jacked at an art show in a donut shop

Nik's answers to my increasingly weird "interview" questions: 

Q: Do you know anyone who snorts when they laugh?
A: 3 out of every 5

Q: Have you ever farted while sneezing?
A: Sometimes I've squirted

Q: Do you make your own hummus or do you let the grocery store rape you at $4 or so for a tiny container of the least expensive food on the planet: beans?

Boobs Over My Hammy

Original Owner: 
timv
Boobs Over My Hammy
Boobs Over My Hammy

Will has been a bad, bad man.

He causes much trouble for The Sauce with all of his support and his many, many trade offers. Plus, he always thinks it is funny to add a bunch of "extras" to his trade packages. For this, he must be punished. So, this time his punishment is that he has to "ghost write" six stories for Tim & Victoria -- who are moving and don't have time to write six stories for The Sauce right now.

Proud Green Boobs Painting

Original Owner: 
timv
Proud Green Boobs Painting
Proud Green Boobs Painting
Proud Green Boobs Painting

Tim and Victoria have a lot on their plate what with the moving to somewhere else and all.

I'm impatient though and want to get these items into The Sauce so I hired a ghost writer. His name is Will and he is actually being punished because he likes to send me all kinds of extra stuffs when he makes Sauce trades with me. I'll get hats and books and magazines and weird signs. Then, I have to deal with all that stuff.

So in any case, here's Will's story for Tim & Victoria: 

Woman Feeding Horse

Original Owner: 
Rosalie Hates K...
Woman Feeding Horse

Rhiannon's Story about Woman Feeding Horse:

I bought this at an art show in college for fifty dollars. It priced at $450.00. The artist was dating a friend of mine, so he sold to me for very cheap... probably less than the cost of the materials it took to create. The painting is mounted and ready to hang. It is of a chick with her boobies hanging out, I think she's knocked up. There is a church in the background.

Royce Trades me Four Boobed Alien with Dingle for Faux Fossil

Royce and Rosalie doin' a bARTer Sauce trade
Royce and Rosalie doin' a bARTer Sauce trade

Royce came to First Thursday in February 2008 armed with a backpack full of paintings

. At first I thought he was going to give them ALL to me, but then I realized I was just a greedy, little piggy and in fact, he just brought me many OPTIONS. Which is almost as good.

Lauri Trades me 5' Tall Asian Woman Sculpture for Barbie Monster Fish

Lauri and Rosalie trading Barbie Fish Monster for an Asian Statue
Asian statue in the trunk of our car

So Lauri lost the Laffhole competition

But just barely.

I don't think she really wanted to haul this sculpture/doll thing back home again, so I traded her backstage. Okay, okay, I'm making it sound like I wasn't jumping up and down yelling, "Oh, come on! Trade me! Come on!" which I wasn't. At least not on the outside.

I gave Lauri the prized Barbie Monster Fish that I got from Ariane who lives in Wyoming and made a cardboard cutout of me. Lauri better take really good care of it. Or she'll have me to deal with.

MOBA gives me a Velvet Last Supper in exchange for the Eyes for Boobs painting

Painting of a woman with eyes for boobs

I finally got around to sending the Museum of Bad Art their painting (and some more hats for Mike) and I got something fantastic in trade.

A Velvet Last Supper painting. My ultimate fantasy has come true.

Seriously. I've always wanted a velvet painting.

Oh wait!

I forgot, I already had a velvet Elvis.

Nevermind.

Nameless Guy trades me Eyes for Boobs in exchange for two sock puppets and Viagra Falls

Man With Sock Puppet

I met this guy at the coffee shop in Georgetown (I can say that because Georgetown is the one place in Seattle that only has one coffee shop) and we did the trade.

I love his painting. Excuse me, my eyes are up here! Oh...wait.

My favorite! We had plenty of time to do the trade while we were waiting in line for coffee because everyone and their mother was there with their dogs.

Argh. Dogs. I like dogs. But not in my coffee. And certainly not in line in front of me. Why do they get to be in front of me. That blows.

Mature Crush - the "Eyes For Boobs" painting

Mature Crush aka Eyes For Boobs

A painting called "Mature Crush."

(or as I call it, "Hey, my eyes are up here...oh wait!") She has eyes on her boobs. It seems like that would be a waste of time unless you walked around naked all the time. Maybe once we started wearing clothes, the eyes on boobs gene was phased out because it no longer served any purpose.

Here's the story. Some details have been changed out of respect for the fact that I'm posting this personal story on the internet:

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