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Nik Trades me Jar Man and Self Portrait for Glitter Face and Blow Up Scream

Mosquito and Spider on bARTer Sauce
Mosquito and Spider on bARTer Sauce
Mosquito and Spider on bARTer Sauce

Instead of sending Nik "interview" questions, I'm posting the rejection letter he received from Michael Frank, Curator-in-Chief of Museum of Bad Art.

Nicholas,

Rebecca Trades Me Faux Fur Painting for Bodice Ripper

Rebecca DeVere

Rebecca and I did this trade at her moving/yard sale.

She was wearing a wig. In fact, everyone she had conned into helping her (including her mom) was wearing a wig.

Glitter Face Painting

Original Owner: 
timv
Glitter Face painting
Glitter Face painting
Glitter Face painting
Glitter Face painting
Glitter Face gets Remixed by Nicolas Caesar from scary-art.com

Will is being punished for sending me all kinds of "extras" with his bARTer Sauce trade item.

He always does this and always gets punished. He never learns. This time his punishment is that he has to "ghost write" six stories for Tim & Victoria who were kind enough to trade me six awesome items but are so busy unpacking that they don't have time to write six Sauce stories.

Will's "ghost written" story for Tim & Victoria: 

Victoria & Tim Trade Me Six Things for Snoopy

Victoria and Rosalie making cute faces
Snoopy between metal breastseses
Victoria helping Rosalie on with giant metal bra
Snoopy between metal breastseses
Victoria licking Snoopy.
Victoria. Alone. Plus blurry.

Victoria and Time were moving. Big time. Getting rid of lots of art and moving away. This is one of those Sauce scenarios where it just may be that someone is much more interested in having The Sauce come over and haul away the stuff that they don't want as opposed to really loving The Sauce. That's okay. Sometimes that's the only way good stuff ever gets into The Sauce. When people are freaking pressed for time.

Two Two Two Glitter Cats

Original Owner: 
scary-art1973
Glitter Cat Pillow Cover
Cat Pillow Cover

Nik's Story that arrived with the Glitter Cats:

A friend invited me to one of the members of an industrial band called Gridlock's Birthday. He told me on his 21st birthday his friends thought it'd be fun to take him to a 25cent peep show parlor. All he had was a 5 so when he got change he had this almost uncontrollable pile of quarters cupped in his hand. So he's putting the quarters in and watching the show when some slip out and fall to the ground. The stripper stops and waves her arms in a "No! Don't do it!" fashion. When he looks down he sees the floor is caked in men's "leavings", so much so one of the quarters stood upright.

bARTer Sauce would like to add: That's a horrible story Nik. Not in the normal way that your stories are horrible -- this one is horrible in a totally new way. Congratulations!

One One One Glitter Cat

Original Owner: 
scary-art1973
Glitter Cat Pillow Cover

Nik's Story that arrived with the Glitter Cat:

I have a corpse named Lucky that I make everyone pose with when they come over. He was traded to be by Kevin Klemm of Girls and Corpses magazine. He's named Lucky because he was the leprechaun corpse from the March issue. I dream of one day luring Rosalie out to California so I can add to my collection of photos called "Victims of Lucky Harms".

Space Aliens in Ship

Original Owner: 
rebecca
Space Aliens in Ship
Space Aliens in Ship

Rebecca's Story Submitted with Space Aliens in Ship:

There is proof they are here! This tiny baby space creature was found in the yard by my dogs. I heard them barking early one morning and went out side to investigate. We have surmised that this 15" aircraft has traveled thousand of miles to get to Seattle.......

strangely enough, there is a device for hanging this on the wall. The glitter hair and interior of the space cove suggests an alien society attracted to bright shiny objects.

Rebecca Trades Me Space Alien in Ship for Box of Lost Memories

Rebecca DeVere

My ever-annoying interview questions.

At least I actually thought of the interview questions this time and didn't try and make the person trading with me write their own weird questions and then answer them. I did that to Nik. Ha!

Q. Do you like sandwiches? If yes, what's your favorite kind?
A. I absolutely loved grilled sandwiches and I am a sandwich freak.

Kelly trades me "Toylet" for "Parisite"

Kelly and I trade Parisite for Toylet in bARTer Sauce
Kelly and I trade Parisite for Toylet in bARTer Sauce
Kelly and I trade Parisite for Toylet in bARTer Sauce
Kelly and I trade Parisite for Toylet in bARTer Sauce
Kelly's new art car
Doug and Kelly moving the Toylet
bARTer Sauce Trade

Kelly hauled the "Toylet" to the May First Thursday Art Walk.

We've been trying to get together and make the trade all week because she's had it rolling around in her car. It never worked out, so she had to live with a toy-covered toilet rockin' around in the back of her art car. Poor Kelly. She did get to take "Parisite" home, so I think she'll be okay.

Lynn Trades Me Parisite for Abe Lincoln Shower Art

Spam from Lynn

This trade was done through the mail.

So no story about meeting Lynn personally. Nothing like that. But she did write me a funny email about the package I sent her. So here it is now. I present, with no further ado, Lynn's Funny Email:

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