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Nicolas Caesar

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Jar Man

Original Owner: 
Jar Man, an Item on bARTer Sauce

Nik's story that came with Jar Man

I recently hiked along the Hayward Shorline. It's great for bird watching enthusiasts. I saw at least 4 kinds of birds: Ducks, geese, a little bird (I don't know what it's named so I'm just say Robin after the hated sidekick of Batman.) and a hawk. The crazy thing about this place is outside of the diverse wildlife (all 4 of them), the animals are incredibly tame. Like Hitchcock's The Birds-unsettling-tame.

Nik Trades me Bad Kid Painting and Naked Men for Armless Anatomically Correct Bunny Rabbit and Empire Carpet Man Bobblehead Doll

Nik & Shameless self promotion. I like it.

Nik has done so many trades that we've sort of become one of those old married couple that you see sitting silently together in a restaurant.

We've basically got nothing left to say to each other -- or you.

For this trade, I made Nik write a song about bARTer Sauce: 

When I can't throw it away
When the wife says it has to go
When I'm convinced it's possessed
and it creeps out even (Edgar Allan) Poe
To the basement of Bartersauce and away
To be given new homes
To the unsuspecting

Bad Kid

Original Owner: 
Bad Kid, An Item In bARTer Sauce

The story Nik submitted with Bad Kid

Better than a story, Rosalie left a receipt in one of the bags she used as packing from our last trade! Rosalie has asked me everything under the sun! There's nothing more to me! So today you're going to learn about Rosalie! What does Rosalie buy:

Metropolitanmarket (Where Superman shops!)
100 Mercer Street, Seattle, WA 98109
Paul Marth is your uptown Store Director (He puts the 'R' in math!)

Same Local Ownership Since 1971 (He resides in the attic and eats fish heads)

Naked Men

Original Owner: 
Naked Men, An Item In bARTer Sauce

Since Nik is so "interested" in what I purchase and since he owed me another story, I've asked him to put together an imaginary shopping list for me.

What does that mean? I'm not really sure -- let's leave that up to Nik to interpret. 

My imaginary shopping list for Rosalie:

  • 6 pack of Unicorn blood
  • Bottled Gypsy tears
  • Kraken E-Z Squeezin' Cheese
  • Plastic Hammer
  • Ugly Baby Finger Puppets (Assorted)
  • Teleporter
  • Interocitor

How Many Unicorn Posters Have YOU Stolen?

None? That's what I figured. Well, Nik is different. A little bit. Not in a Canadian way -- but still different.

Plus, although I've never met him, I do imagine that he smells of almonds. Again, not in a Canadian way -- in a good, almond-ey way.

What am I talking about? I have no idea.

Nik Trades Me Stolen Unicorn Poster and Transvestite Robot for Weird Rooster Thing and I Can See Butt

bARTer Sauce Trade

Nik trades with me all the time.

About twice a month. And he has set up his own art trading project inspired by bARTer Sauce. He's a fan. And I'm a fan of him. All that said, I've had to come up with probably hundreds of "interview" questions for Nik to answer.

So this time we're going with Fun Facts! Fun. Facts about Nik: 

  • I compulsively cut my hair. Not in any professional way. In my mind it looks good but in the mirror not so much.

Transvestite Robot

Original Owner: 
Transvestite Robot, an Item In bARTer Sauce
Transvestite Robot, an Item In bARTer Sauce
Transvestite Robot, an Item In bARTer Sauce
Transvestite Robot, an Item In bARTer Sauce

Nik's Story that came with Transvestite Robot:

A story. An awesome one.

I'm going to solve Earth's biggest riddle! I figured out the meaning of life, I started looking at the universe as a whole and realized that the human race over complicates everything. Kind of like if you're waiting for someone, you don't know where they are, you start inventing scenarios. That's where we get religion. So scratch that.

Newest bARTer Sauce Trade: Mondo JubJub

bARTer Sauce's added a new trade to the family of currently available objects.

Nik Trades Me Aku Aku Book and Mondo Jubjub for Proud Green Boobs and Full Metal Bra

Nik in a straight jacked at an art show in a donut shop

Nik's answers to my increasingly weird "interview" questions: 

Q: Do you know anyone who snorts when they laugh?
A: 3 out of every 5

Q: Have you ever farted while sneezing?
A: Sometimes I've squirted

Q: Do you make your own hummus or do you let the grocery store rape you at $4 or so for a tiny container of the least expensive food on the planet: beans?

Mondo Jubjub

Original Owner: 
Mondo JubJub by Nicolas Caesar
Mondo JubJub by Nicolas Caesar
Mondo JubJub by Nicolas Caesar

This is Mondo JubJub! He sees and knows all!

Look at those hypno eyes! Many have tried to kill Mondo JubJub but have failed! His severed head floats on ready to grant wishes to grown men who like to pretend they're little boys.

Fear Mondo JubJub!

Respect Mondo JubJub!

Trade for Mondo JubJub! He commands it! 
Mondo JubJub! He can fit in a bowling bag! but not really cause he's 16x20

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