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Nicolas Caesar

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Nik Trades me Hopeful Caterpillar with a Bunch of Stars and Crap for Still Life

Close up of Nik
Nik, being weird
Nik, weirder

I am an extremely lazy person and actually asked Nik to write his own hilarious interview questions and then answer them.

Must people would have told me to go jump in the lake. But Nik didn't. He wrote the questions. Why? Because he is a stand up guy, that's why. With lots of free time, I imagine.


Q. What are three wishes:
1. To spank bigfoot
2. to drain Loch Ness once and for all
3. Ask aliens if they download porn

Hopeful Centipede with a Bunch of Stars and Crap

Original Owner: 
Hopeful Centipede with a bunch of starts and Crap


Acrylic on wood

Nik's Story:

As a kid I had a problem with death. My garter snake died and I buried it in the back yard. After I had buried it I dug it up minutes later, panicked that I may have accidentally buried it alive, took it out, reassured myself it was dead and reburied it. This went on umpteen times. Even though it was stiff and the gnats had eaten it's eyes I was still worried.

Nicolas trades me "Scary Clown" and "Drinkey Clown" for "Four Boobed Alien with Dingle" and "Pokemon Drawing and copy of Other Voices"

Nik, being creepy
Nik, being creepy

More and more trades are happening through the mail these days as bARTer Sauce expands to every corner of the world to prepare for our eventual takeover/world domination.

I ran to the post office just before closing and the same woman helped me who got mad at me last time for trying to mail huge packages two minutes before the post office closes.

This time nothing happened.

Nothing at all.

She was even almost pleasant.

So that's not a good story at all.

Scary Clown

Original Owner: 
Scary Clown Painting

Nicolas' short but very sweet story submitted with "Scary Clown"

My fear of heights started from when I had a nightmare that gravity just shut off and everyone sailed off into the atmosphere to be burned alive. I held on to the roof until the roof too succumbs to drift away. Every now and again I clutch the floor with my toes as if staples would suddenly emerge from my toes to the cement.

Drinkey Clown

Original Owner: 
Drinkey Clown

Nicolas' story submitted with "Drinkey Clown" (bARTer Sauce's title...not Nicolas'....if that is his real name):

When I lived in Oakland California I found a Billy Dee Williams Colt 45 cardboard standee outside my neighborhood liquor store in the trash. "Score!" I thought and I raced to gaffle this treasure of treasures. Halfway home I realized by the smell that the homeless had been using it for a toilet and so I left it in an open convertible. I had hoped the owner - upon returning to his car - thought Billy Dee spontaneously visited him and wanted to be his Return of the Jedi co-pilot... but he/she probably thought it was an ex trying to get back at them.

Dangerine Trades Me Finding Lost Memories for Abandond Artist Sketchbook

Dangerine and the abandoned artist sketch book
Dangerine and a hat
Abandoned Artist Sketch Book (post remix by Dangerine)
Abandoned Artist Sketch Book (post remix by Dangerine)

I got the awesome Dangerine shadow box the other day along with an email from her that said he and Nik have been working on their next Sauce trades.

I can't wait!

I should also mention that she is one of only two or three people who have actually supplied the 14 or so different ways to contact them that I request with each bARTer Sauce trade. She's detail oriented. That's for sure. TEACH ME!

She was kind enough to answer my dumb questions and also tell me the dumbest thing Nik has ever done. he he he

Creepy Clown Painting

Original Owner: 
Paining of a Clown by Nicolas Caesar of

Nicolas' original offer:

16x20, acrylic on canvas, original art, ready to frame and give kids nightmares.

My response:
Awesome -- I'd love to trade. All I need from you is a story -- true or not -- maybe something about the clown painting maybe something from your childhood or failing that - a story about the moment your learned there was no Santa. Are you in Seattle? Rosalie

Nicolas' Reponse to my response:
I'm in Castro Valley, CA - city of old drunks

Nicolas trades me Creepy Clown Painting for Angry Naked Guy Sketch

bARTer Sauce Trade with Nicolas Caesar
Remixed by Temple Terkildsen. Painting of an Angry Naked Man With Horns

Nicolas' reply once we nail down what we're trading for and how:

Angry Man will do!

My address is:
xxxxxxx, xx xxxxx
I'll pack up your clown :>

I do a little dance and then respond to him yet again (are you seeing yet how much work bARTer Sauce is?):
Heck yes,you can mail it to:


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