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Figure Drawing Book

Original Owner: 
SpankyHam
Figure Drawing Book
Figure Drawing Book
Figure Drawing Book
Figure Drawing Book
Figure Drawing Book
Figure Drawing Book
Figure Drawing Book
Figure Drawing Book
Figure Drawing Book
Figure Drawing Book

Will's story that came with the Figure Drawing Book:

My First Steps Into Existentialism via MTV - Circa 1985. In 1985 I was 9. I watched MTV because it was still kind of new and they played videos. The videos were nice and fun and the perfect length for my ever shortening attention span. This was thanks to, in no small part, Atari and video games in general.  I remember it was just before my 10th birthday, so it was probably late October and the song "Take On Me" by some euro-pop "supergroup" of the 80's called A-Ha was taking America by storm.

I Can See Butt

Original Owner: 
timv
I Can See Butt
I Can See Butt
I Can See Butt
I Can See Butt
I Can See Butt

I'm tired of talking about how busy Tim & Victoria are and how bad a man Will is.

Here's the short version. Tim & Victoria traded me six things for bARTer Sauce but they are moving and don't have time to write six stories. Will is a trouble-maker who is being punished by having to "ghost write" six stories for Tim & Victoria.

There. That was sort of short.

This is a two-part story.
Read Part I here.

Boobs Over My Hammy

Original Owner: 
timv
Boobs Over My Hammy
Boobs Over My Hammy

Will has been a bad, bad man.

He causes much trouble for The Sauce with all of his support and his many, many trade offers. Plus, he always thinks it is funny to add a bunch of "extras" to his trade packages. For this, he must be punished. So, this time his punishment is that he has to "ghost write" six stories for Tim & Victoria -- who are moving and don't have time to write six stories for The Sauce right now.

Proud Green Boobs Painting

Original Owner: 
timv
Proud Green Boobs Painting
Proud Green Boobs Painting
Proud Green Boobs Painting

Tim and Victoria have a lot on their plate what with the moving to somewhere else and all.

I'm impatient though and want to get these items into The Sauce so I hired a ghost writer. His name is Will and he is actually being punished because he likes to send me all kinds of extra stuffs when he makes Sauce trades with me. I'll get hats and books and magazines and weird signs. Then, I have to deal with all that stuff.

So in any case, here's Will's story for Tim & Victoria: 

Angry Naked Man

Original Owner: 
Learys
A Naked Angry Man With A Drop Of Urine On His Penis (Not Pictured)
Horny Naked Man - Remix of Angry Naked Man

Sean's story about Angry Naked Man:

In my Drawing II Figure Studies Course last semester we would occasionally have models come into class to do quick gestural studies of. One might be skeptical of folks who volunteer to show their jumbly bits to 18 - 25 year olds for small change an hour, so you can imagine the ones who do volunteer are quite interesting. Needless to say we had one interesting man who would come to class and model. I don't know his real name, but we all soon knew him as the "Angry Naked Guy" or simply, Ang. Quite literally so. When scheduled he would show up late, chewing nicorette gum, chomping away and NEVER SAY A WORD. He would simply show up, de-robe and stare off. Not at anyone - just off - into Anger Land, at least I'd like to think so. Turns out at the end of the semester we found out this man was never paid for his work - nor did he ever get a background check - or anything. Frankly put - he was never hired - but showed up anyways. No wonder he was so angry!

The 3 minute gesture sketch I am putting up to offer is especially special to me because of what happened right as he went to work this day. After returning from a 10 minute break Ang returned, derobed, jumped up onto the platform and stared off in anger, chomping away. The lights were dimmed and a spot light hit him, the professor yelled, "Begin!". Intantly my eye was caught and I found myself staring at his crotch - only to find a glistening form. That's right - a drop of urine gripped for dear life to this man's penis. For the next three minutes I had to awkwardly stare and draw this man as his jaw chomped gum and his penis dangled pee. I feel it would be a beautiful addition to any bathroom. Throw this puppy into a frame and he'll be yours forever! Crafted in charcoal and white conte he'll be you're most talked about naked angry piece of art yet!

Photo of Naked Chick!

Original Owner: 
kimberly
Nude Woman

Yeah, naked chick photo!

Naked chick photo!

Yeah!

My studio partner Kimberly (Stir) offered me this matted photograph. Her story is short, but to the point:

When I was getting the model ready for this shoot, she was telling me about being a performance artist and how she really wanted to do a piece where she rubbed raw chicken all over her body.

Do you need me to repeat it?

No.

I thought not.

Mature Crush - the "Eyes For Boobs" painting

Mature Crush aka Eyes For Boobs

A painting called "Mature Crush."

(or as I call it, "Hey, my eyes are up here...oh wait!") She has eyes on her boobs. It seems like that would be a waste of time unless you walked around naked all the time. Maybe once we started wearing clothes, the eyes on boobs gene was phased out because it no longer served any purpose.

Here's the story. Some details have been changed out of respect for the fact that I'm posting this personal story on the internet:

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