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Bryan Trades Me Rubber Bat for Perpetual Motion Machine

Rosalie and Bryan trade a rubber bat for a perpetual motion machine in bARTer Sa
Rosalie and Bryan trade a rubber bat for a perpetual motion machine in bARTer Sa
Rosalie and Bryan trade a rubber bat for a perpetual motion machine in bARTer Sa

Bryan was no exception to the mandatory "interview" questions. Doug held him down and poked him with a marshmallow toasting fork while I asked him the following:


Q: Have you ever made your own mustard?

A: Yes I have made several types of mustard. I am a Chef.

Q: If you could punch anything in nature, what would it be?
A: I have punched a 300 ft tall dust devil at burning man, then got sucked into and a few feet up it!

Q: Do you have any tattoos?

Sean Trades Me Weird Rooster Thing and Empire Man BobbleHead Doll for Sock Portal Painting

Sean, taking pictures of himself in the bathroom
Sean's Proof about Ruttabegas

I thought this package would never arrive.

That it was lost forever. But then, just moments after I emailed Sean to ask him, "Where the eff is my effing package?" he sent this explanation: 

Theresa trades me tiny wedding pictures for Ceramic Sculpture made by a man with one hand

Theresa loves the sculpture she got through bARTer Sauce
Theresa hugging sculpture

Theresa heard about bARTer Sauce after reading an article I wrote on Etsy's blog. She told me a sad, sad story about getting a bunch of views on a painting she made but then not selling it -- and not getting any "hearts" on it (that's what you call it when you add something to your favorites on Etsy).

Sean Trades Me Empire Man and Faceless Wedding Couple for Hairy Lady and PillowMan

Sean, in the bathroom

Sean has done so many trades with bARTer Sauce that I was on the verge of considering him a real friend even though we have never met in person.

He ruined it all by taking my "interview questions" very literally. Bastard.

Temple had a really different take on them. Now that's how you answer my "interview questions." Seriously. Sean is a bastard. Email him at theovenhelp (at) gmail.com. Tell him.

My "Interview Questions":

Temple Trades Me Stuffed Dooky Kiss for Tiny Head

Temple and a stuffed kiss
Temple's Extras
Temple's Extras

Temple was subjected to my "interview" questions...which are..well, of a rather even odder nature than normal.

She was kind enough to play along:

Q: What did the monkey say to the fork?
A: EeeeeooooOOOOoahahahAHHAH AH AH AH!

Q: Why?
A: Monkeys don't need forks.

Q: How come the fork can talk?
A: It is actually a tuning fork and only says one thing, "OM!"

Rachael Trades Me Two-Face Jane for Brain Scan

Rachel and a picture of her brain

Since this trade took place through the mail, I subjected Rachel to the normal round of annoyingly inane "interview" questions:

Q: How old are you?
A: 20 if you don't count the part where I was a fetus.

Q: Where did you find out about bARTer Sauce?
A: From the book about The Museum of Bad Art

Q: Did you fall asleep after you finished the doll?

Stacy Trades Me "Hand of Doom" and "Brickman" for Punk'd Up Nuns

Stacy and Rosalie making a Sauce Trade
Stacy's sculpture
Stacy's art

Stacy has been through a few bARTer Sauce trades so I'm sure she wasn't surprised when I demanded that she answer my "interview" questions on top of sending me stories for each of her items and traveling to deliver said items to me.

You've really got to work to trade with The Sauce. You've really got to want it.

Q: What is your middle name?
A: Christine.

Q: When you think about calamari, what do you think?
A: YUM! (and garlic butter)

Jessamyn Trades me her Brain Scan and Fancy Mask (and accoutrements) for Drag Queen Clown and Kill You in Your Sleep Teddy Bear Lamp

Jessamyn and some horns.
Rosalie and Jessamyn doing a bARTer Sauce trade

As per usual, I have subjected Jessamyn to my own brand of "interview" questions.

This tradition began long ago when I used to pressure myself to come up with an engaging and funny story of my own to go along with each trade. Well, after about a million or so trades, it seems I have run out of stories, so now, I make my Sauce traders work extra hard by telling me a story AND answering my lame "interview questions." Personally, I think this solution is genius. Plus, I'm lazy.

Two Red Screamers

Original Owner: 
Rekoj
Red Screamer

Sara felt overwhelmed at the prospect of telling me a story so I made her answer these interview questions instead.

Basically, I tricked her because now she has to tell me a bunch of little stories. Sucker! (whispers...give me that damn skirt)

Q. You live in a cool building. Wanna tell me a little about it?

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