remix

This is the story Ariane submitted with her trade offer:

I made this giant cigarette painting out of an existing oil painting of buddha on linen, vintage coupons from packs of cigarettes (that I traded for on bARTersauce) and cheap craft paint. It is awesome and disgusting. It makes people feel like they have smoked 40 cigarettes at once when they look at it. A good friend of mine recently saw it for the first time and said, "Gross, I hate it."

Will is being punished for sending me all kinds of "extras" with his bARTer Sauce trade item.

He always does this and always gets punished. He never learns. This time his punishment is that he has to "ghost write" six stories for Tim & Victoria who were kind enough to trade me six awesome items but are so busy unpacking that they don't have time to write six Sauce stories.

Will's "ghost written" story for Tim & Victoria: 

Will's story that came with the Appalachian Children Dolls:

I picked these up in a thrift store and they were never opened. They still have their little tag that states that they were made (and presumably sold) to benefit an Appalachian Children's association or orphanage or something. they look kind of like tiny raggedy ann and andy, but their hands are permanently attached and they have X's for eyes which makes me think they're dead. In a way, they're like homemade "Living Dead" dolls. There's an overall sense of morbidity to them.

Stacy's story submitted with Brickman:

Several years ago (in a land far, far away) I was in college and had some friends visiting from out of town. It was sometime around Halloween, and we were out looking for a good scare. A local friend had mentioned that a certain boarded-up house a few streets over was supposedly haunted, so we drove over to take a look. We got there, and saw that it was indeed boarded up. I was curious anyway, and got out of the car, along with one of the guys. We walked around to the other side of the house to see if there was anything interesting visible on that side. Once we were out of earshot of the car, I whispered to him, "on the count of three, run back to the car, act scared, see if we can scare the others!" I counted, and we tore around the side of the house, back to the car. I fell and slid in the gravel, and we jumped into the car. The driver saw us, and as soon as the door was closed we were gone.

Jessamyn's Story that came with the Mask:

[This is the first time a Sauce trader has told me a story in comic form...or any form other than just words. I applaud you Jessamyn. You are the most creative and possibly weirdest Sauce trader to date (okay, definitely not weirdest hoooo-boy).  The story is the first three images above.]

Nik's stories that came with the vintage farting duck:

His first bike:

Rhiannon is my lovely friend who gave me this faux fossil and a picture she drew of her friend Amber months ago as a donation to bARTer Sauce.

She told me that she wanted Stone Face

Sean's story about Angry Naked Man:

In my Drawing II Figure Studies Course last semester we would occasionally have models come into class to do quick gestural studies of. One might be skeptical of folks who volunteer to show their jumbly bits to 18 - 25 year olds for small change an hour, so you can imagine the ones who do volunteer are quite interesting. Needless to say we had one interesting man who would come to class and model. I don't know his real name, but we all soon knew him as the "Angry Naked Guy" or simply, Ang. Quite literally so. When scheduled he would show up late, chewing nicorette gum, chomping away and NEVER SAY A WORD. He would simply show up, de-robe and stare off. Not at anyone - just off - into Anger Land, at least I'd like to think so. Turns out at the end of the semester we found out this man was never paid for his work - nor did he ever get a background check - or anything. Frankly put - he was never hired - but showed up anyways. No wonder he was so angry!

The 3 minute gesture sketch I am putting up to offer is especially special to me because of what happened right as he went to work this day. After returning from a 10 minute break Ang returned, derobed, jumped up onto the platform and stared off in anger, chomping away. The lights were dimmed and a spot light hit him, the professor yelled, "Begin!". Intantly my eye was caught and I found myself staring at his crotch - only to find a glistening form. That's right - a drop of urine gripped for dear life to this man's penis. For the next three minutes I had to awkwardly stare and draw this man as his jaw chomped gum and his penis dangled pee. I feel it would be a beautiful addition to any bathroom. Throw this puppy into a frame and he'll be yours forever! Crafted in charcoal and white conte he'll be you're most talked about naked angry piece of art yet!