Will is being punished for sending me all kinds of "extras" with his bARTer Sauce trade item.
He always does this and always gets punished. He never learns. This time his punishment is that he has to "ghost write" six stories for Tim & Victoria who were kind enough to trade me six awesome items but are so busy unpacking that they don't have time to write six Sauce stories.
Will's "ghost written" story for Tim & Victoria:
I started college in the dark ages of the Internet. You may remember the time. Everything was text based. There were a handful of "online" bulletin board systems (BBS) in each area code that you could dial up to and use your little windows 3.1 terminal to download something, but it better not be much more than a meg or it would take forever. Sometimes I'd download something for days. Days I tell you. I had an IBM PS/2 and it sucked, but I thought it was the best because what did I know? Then I went to college.
There were only a few legitimate computer labs on NC State campus in 1994. One was huge and full of nerds, one was mostly inaccessible to freshmen. The machines were Sun systems with the crappiest of all monochrome monitors. The mice had one button. It was the worst. We suffered, but we could use Netscape and go to a few actual websites with actual pictures, none of this BBS bullshit.
Then we found the secret lab. We were nerdy freshmen boys and so the news of the secret lab spread through our inner circle. Some guy was lost in Withers Hall and walked by a computer lab full of new Sun systems with new color monitors and up to date mice and nice chairs and everything. It was a small lab with only 20 computers or so, but the inner nerd circle flocked there. It was supposed to be for Aerospace and Mechanical engineering students, but we didn't care and nobody checked, plus it was a well kept secret so the number of users was low. We went looking to conquer this new Netscape "internet" frontier.
I remember the days when porn was hard to come by on the Internet. Webpages loaded so slow that pictures were secondary to text. If you had a large graphic, it might freeze up your computer. The pictures would show up and decode to the screen sequentially, so you'd see the top quarter of the picture, then the top half, then three-quarters and finally the whole thing. Porn was practically unheard of and if you did find some boobs, they were small pictures that were grainy.
Fortunately for those of us who were geeks and horny, we new about Newsgroups. They still thrive today, but in the Internet wild west, they were for the select few dorks who knew how to use them and it was a complicated process.
Let's say you were a purveyor of fine digital porn. You had to take your picture, usually a GIF, and encode it, thereby rendering it into a file of characters. This file was then broke into parts and uploaded to a news server. If you were a horny nerd like us, you had to download all parts of the file, combine them together using a text editor, and then decode them just to see one picture. The pictures were tiny and fuzzy and a lot of effort. The very worst part of it was combining the parts. If you had a decent picture, say 2 megs, it might be split into 5 or 6 parts. We'd have to open all these parts in a text editor which was, back then and on Unix, VI. We'd then have to delete the header and footer of the files and join them up making one huge text file full of numbers and letters and garbage. If you deleted just one too many characters you were screwed. No decode for you. If you did it right, you'd save the whole mess, used a Unix command to decode it and finally open it up in some graphics program and voila, porn.
You pervs don't know how good you have it today. Porn is just there to see, flashing, popping. Newsgroups still work with parts, but the rejoining and decoding is taken care of and they even have programs to keep up with the parts to make sure you don't miss any. I won't even talk about how hard it was to meet girls, real girls, on the Internet back then. It was basically impossible. Chat was unheard of except for a smattering of BBS's that catered specifically to chatting. There was not Facebook or MySpace or any information. There was a list of names. Go. Pick one and go. Most of them were guys looking for girls and the ones who had girl names were often just perverted guys. Well, maybe things haven't changed so much.
There was this one time a friend of mine wanted to see some porn, not just pictures, he wanted to graduate up to a movie clip. This clip was split into 20+ parts and it took days to download. After that, he took almost a full week piecing this porn back together again, then another half a day decoding the damn thing.
After all that effort what did he get?
If you guessed 15 seconds of a chick getting fucked by a great dane, then you were right on the money.