My friend Colin moved to New York not too long ago.
He feined a vague interest in bARTer Sauce until "Worried Man" came up for trade. Then he set about to making a paper mache hedgehog wearing a mask. If you want to read more about Colin and burnt paper mache, check out his Myspace blog.
Colin had to compete against the Museum of Bad Art with his little hedgehog and he lost. Not by a lot. But he lost. Now the weird thing about this is that when we did the redesign of the website, this Hedgehog just reappeared in the database even though I had never traded for it. AND AT THE SAME TIME Colin came to visit and left the hedgehog on my desk at work. How weird is that?
I emailed Colin to warn him that I'll have to send him something in return for the Hedgehog. He should worry. When he first moved to New York, I took up a collection around the office and mailed him a box of knick-nack garbage and a large shoe. Yeah! Take that for moving assface!
In any case, here is Colin's wonderful story about the Hedgehog:
"If love were a hedgehog it would be made out of burnt paper mache. I have proof. Or at least a hedgehog made out of burnt paper mache. I also have a love. My love wrote me a letter. I took that letter, ripped it into a hundred pieces and made it into a paper mache hedgehog. The eyes are made up of my name and her name. Isn’t that romantic?
Shut up, it totally is.
So why is my love unrequited? I’ve always wanted to go somewhere with her (the lighthouse park at the northern point of Roosevelt Island to be exact) or have something that was “ours” but so far we only share one thing. I took that one thing and put it in the belly of the hedgehog. I’m not kidding, trade for it and give it a shake you’ll see. I was going to put an engagement ring in it but soon realized just how dumb that would be.
My love also was the one who suggested that my paper mache project should be a hedgehog in the first place. Not the mask though, that came from someone else. That story isn’t interesting. Although I should mention that the mask is actually made out of a pirate’s eye patch that I got at one of my love’s shows. So you see this hedgehog is in everyway a physical representation of my love. Now I must set it free and replace it with a worrying man.
When I get the worrying man, I’m going to write down the following concern and put it in his wiry hair:
“I worry that my love will not be traded for and therefore never returned to me.”
Then I’ll add this one:
“I worry that I didn’t add salt to my last batch of paper mache and that my love will mold and rot.”
Hurry home worrying man. I need you."