I don't feel bad. Not at all. For about two years, I've had a driving urge to murder Barbie dolls. It began with my dog, who is adorable and destructive. He has an innate need to gnaw off Barbie arms to the elbow, and leave them for dead on the living room floor. I finish them off. For awhile, I just popped off the heads and put them in a jar with the mangled bodies of My Little Pony dolls that had met a similar fate. But then I opened my "Hope Chest" at my mom's house one day (yes, she saved linens and forks and candles for me in hopes that I would be normal) and found my Marie Osmond Barbie doll from the 70s. Magic! Marie's had a sweet buzz-cut and a gaping head wound. And her original purple dress. Apparently I murdered Barbies as a child, too, but have no recollection of it. I took Marie to work, popped off her head, made her a beauty-style pageant sash that read "Headless Barbie," and displayed her with pride. She garnered much attention, and a beast was born. I now enjoy creating custom-murdered Barbies for anyone that wants one. I cut their hair, give them tattoos, let my dog gnaw off their extremities, slam them in doors, and for good measure, drag them behind my car. So today I'm offering one very custom (and very beautiful, I might add) murdered Barbie. You choose the hair color, the wounds, the tattoos and piercings, bite marks, crochet hook through the eye ... anything you want. I will make her for you. You will love her. She will not love you back. (Photos below are of my Marie doll, who is fairly benign since at the time of her creation, my true evil had not yet emerged ... Your custom-made murdered Barbie will be terrifying. And I promise to provide "Before," "During," and "After" photos along with your doll!)
