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My offer for this lovely necklace is a 4 foot tall painting I did for a college art class. The painting depicts a to-scale fully erect caucasian penis. The penis is set onto a light blue field.

What I Want: 
Ceramic Necklace
bARTer Sauce Trade Offer

           It was the Summer of 2009, and I was in a painfully dull art class in a painfully hot part of Florida.  The class was bad, but it was one of the ones they demand you take before you can get to any of the fun stuff.  The teacher rambled on at length about nothing in particular, and did so often enough that I began to resent the class, as I felt I was learning very little.  The only redeeming quality about my situation was the amount of pretty girls in the classroom.  You know, the kind of girls that are so pretty that you get mad at them, just for being too attractive for you to talk to.  

The professor issued our final project at the end of the semester, telling each of us to pick an element of design, and to do our best to depict that element of design in the form of a large painting.  I picked dominance as mine, and quickly set to work thinking of a way to get a decent grade in this not-so-decent class.  

I worked long into the night until I finally said "Fuck it.  I'm going to paint a big ol' dick.  Not only that, but I'm going to paint MY dick, and put it in front of the entire class.  And all of these pretty girls?  They're going to see my dick, whether they want to or not, and it's going to be art.  Glorious 4-foot-long, dick art."

That's exactly what I did.  

Two things happened the day I turned that painting in that have never happened before or since.  One, an entire room of pretty girls complimeted and applauded my giant (albeit, exagerated) member, and two, I got a B+ on a completely phoned-in project.

My penis is currently in the living room of my apartment, creeping out my roommates.

 I cannot tell you how

 I cannot tell you how difficult it is to maintain an erection and focus on painting at the same time.  In that respect, this was a very challenging project.