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Schitzo art and Nik of All trades for blow up scream and glitter!

What I Want: 
Blow Up Scream
What I Want: 
Glitter Face Painting
bARTer Sauce Trade Offer
bARTer Sauce Trade Offer

I recently hiked along the Hayward Shorline. It's great for bird watching enthusiasts. I saw at least 4 kinds of birds: Ducks, geese, a little bird (I don't know what it's named so I'm just say Robin after the hated sidekick of Batman.) and a hawk. The crazy thing about this place is outside of the diverse wildlife (all 4 of them), the animals are incredibly tame. Like Hitchcock's The Birds-unsettling-tame. I litterally walked up and squatted over a groundsquirrel (I wasn't pooping, I was taking it's picture). Oh, the ground squirrel I guess makes 5 animals. Anyways I thought I'd try my luck with the hawk watching me squat (I hate it when they watch me!). So I walked up to the hawk. I walked closer. Then I was even closer than I was before. At this time I'm sure he could smell my hot dog breath. Instantly I thought "Wow! If this was the Neverending Story - he'd or she would grow giant and I could ride it and chase down bullies. I hate bullies. I like hawks. I think the hawks should breed with the groundsquirrels and make flying squirrels. That would be cool. If only there was such a thing. If only I could play some Barry White. This crazy world is full of big "Ifs", isn't it? 

Story #2
I do a lot of trades. A LOT of trades! Rosalie can tell you I do more trades than a crackhead does crack. Though that's assuming Rosalie has met and befriended crackheads. I don't think she does. People who buy organic fruit don't often hang with them. I think it's because you can't smoke fruit. Most fruit.
I've gotten the Japanese exclussive War of the Gargantuas model professionally painted, an alligator head from Florida, the entire A-Team action figure set and even a giant metal bra and a rabbit with a dingle. My house is a collage of weird objects and things. I have a FeeGee Mermaid, Shrunken head and the Inhumanoids Tendril. I had a Hello Kitty SARS mask, a 1940's knock down circus punk, and Angel Above, Devil Below (a horrible porn about a Satan possessed vagina). Recently I started scavenging my trades and built this collage with artifacts from the envelopes. There's even a Bartersause flyer in there.
I've long wanted to do a self portrait and I think this comes the closest. Really it is me, honestly me. My friend Temple told me I have a Spider Totem, always needing to weave and connect things. It's true. So not only is this a great artifact to put on eBay after I die but it's a fun read. Enjoy!