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Beryl Trades Me Big Painting for Appalachian Dolls

Traded With: 
Pink, glittery landscape painting
Appalachian Dolls - After

Beryl took pity on the Appalachian dolls and did some surgery to separate them from each other

"I thought you might like to see I've resurrected the kids. New: hairdos, faces, buttons for hands, tie and buttons on shoes for girl, button and belt for boy. Interestingly enough, when I turned around the shirts I found a sticker that they had been made in China. It would be interesting to know, "green-wise," the size of their footprints. I'll give them to Community Services for the Blind."

Despite her good intentions, I still subjected her to my particular brand of "interview" questions:

Q. What brought you to Seattle -- or have you lived here your whole life?
A. Adopted, unknown mother, but most likely your generic pink stork -- mostly.

Q. How many bull snakes have you seen in your lifetime do you think?
A. Hundreds. Here are pictures from Eastern Washington.

Q. Did any of them look like that one guy from Night Court?
A. More like Rene Auberjonois from Deep Space 9.

Q. Would you like to see an increase or a decrease in monkeys from space?
A. The more the merrier.

Q. Where did you find out about The Sauce?
A. in the Barter Category

Q. You turned around the Appalachian children really quickly and gave them a whole new look. Did you do it so fast because they were creeping you out with their little x's for eyes?
A. Actually, I only turned around their shirts because they looked like they were on backwards. YES.

Q. I didn't realize the painting you traded me was one of your pieces until I got it to the studio and saw your signature on the back. Do you still paint? What inspired you to start in the first place?
A. Paint runs, someone's gotta still it. Painting stills has become very difficult, since Prohibition the popularity of moonshine has declined making them increasingly rare. Besides which, Still's territories have been invaded by the ever more evil meth lab boys. Sorry, I've never been to the first place to make a start.

Q. Do you have any cats that annoy you? If so, please list your cat grievances in order of level of annoyance here.
A. Yes:

  1. Green card renewal costs the same as vet bill.
  2. Throwing up on the bed/eating plastic/TP
  3. The feral one that after 12 years of feeding him still doesn't trust me, sigh.