Nik's answers to my increasingly weird "interview" questions:
Q: Do you know anyone who snorts when they laugh?
A: 3 out of every 5
Q: Have you ever farted while sneezing?
A: Sometimes I've squirted
Q: Do you make your own hummus or do you let the grocery store rape you at $4 or so for a tiny container of the least expensive food on the planet: beans?
A: I do both. Adding lemon juice and hot sauce to the powdered mix makes it super good
Q: How would you feel if you had to wear orthapoedic shoes?
A: I want a full body skeleton or something that'd make me super strong like Forrest Gump
Q: Do you know how to spell orthapoedic?
A: I do now!
Q: Do you use regular scissors or child safety scissors?
A: Barber's scissors
Q: Your thoughts on snow pants.
A: They make people look like capris suns