Note from The Sauce: Nik tries hard to remember the Sideshow Studios bARTer Sauce art show.
I think I should point out that it wouldn't be nearly as hard to recall if Nik would have sent me this story months ago when the art show actually took place. Ah well.
So It's hard to recall the show. That was many drinks ago. But from what I remember it went like this - everyone who walked in was taken back. It was definitely an unfamiliar premise. And being that little or no cash was involved was really a shock. But as they ventured into unfamiliar territory they suddenly let their guards down to embrace that flea market kind of treasure-hunting excitement. People then remarked about all the things they had in their studios, garages, and attics. That wore off as soon as they were aware paperwork was involved. "What should I write?", they asked. "A story about anything", I replied, almost grudgingly because after the umpteen stories I've written for Barter Sauce these noobs can come up with at least one! (Note from The Sauce: I seem to remember a little grumbling from Mr. Nik as well. Perhaps.)
Some patrons actually did their research and came in ready to trade. Others were still confused and overcomplicated the easy. I still think the act of bartering is something the rest of the planet has a hard time relating to if they never worked retail. Every retail job I've had I've traded coffee for pizza and film for smoothies. As an artist I trade art for art. At bARTer Sauce I trade clown paintings for weird items. Watching Jerry Springer - some women trade sex for chicken nuggets. It's all good.
Speaking of sex we now get to the roaming cardboard gnome named Rosalie. I kidnapped Rosalie's stand in after the bARTer show and have been taking it with me up and down California's coast having many adventures. And at the same time her cardboard pheromones bring the boys to the yard. There hasn't been so much dry-humping this far out of High School. She's a dirty minx. What started as sightseeing with an imaginary friend has turned into bARTer Sauce DOES California and I'm the guy in the hotel trying to sleep by earplugging out the sound of shuffling cardboard. But for having nothing below the torso, no arms, and literally 2 dimensions she's more popular than Lady Ga Ga.
She's traveling more, my plan is to send her around the world. Should you be interested email your address to Scary.firstname.lastname@example.org
The rules are simple:
1. Do not break, rip, drown, or set fire to cardboard Rosalie. Treat her like you would treat that egg you had to babysit in school but better.
2. You can add limbs, color, and anything that will make the Rosalie stronger. Mind you she should still be inexpensive to mail. This means no robot legs. I'm serious!
3. You have to regularly send photos to flesh Rosalie email@example.com
4. No slackers. If you're "too busy" to entertain cardboard Rosalie, feed your cat or take out the garbage please pass.
5. Check in with Rosalie or Nik on where to send her next.
6. No vagazzling! (Note from The Sauce: I do not know what vagazzling is - but I agree. Please do not do it to my cardboard cutout.)